i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
