I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
