my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
