so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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