Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
