please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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