I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
