I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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