I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
