You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize