she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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