I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You took a bar mat shot.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
