I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize