Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
