Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
