The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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