peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
