3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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