she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
