If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
