Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You ate ashes out of my bong
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
