Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
