can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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