Plan B is the new Plan A
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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