There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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