I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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