Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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