Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
