Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
