Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
