what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I have aggressive nipples.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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