Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
