I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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