I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
