where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
