No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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