What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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