Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
