you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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