Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize