1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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