Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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