Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
