Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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