Your mouth is God's brothel.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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