hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize