bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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