She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
