thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
