my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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