I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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