I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I want to make a zoo with you.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
