Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
