Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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