those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
