u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
