pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I need to align my fucking chakras
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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