I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
