I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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