Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
