does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
