I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
