i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
