Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
