apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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