so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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