I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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