HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
