I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
