I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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