Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
