i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
