i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
