You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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