I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize