I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
