We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
