Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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