I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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