he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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